he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
The best revenge is premature balding
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
