I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
