Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
