Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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