just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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