Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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