Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
