just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
