just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
