Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
