I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
