just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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