I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
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