I seem to have left my pride at pride
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
