Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
