i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Girls should come with a carfax report
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
