i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
