My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
