is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
