I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
