There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
