i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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