Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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