ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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