Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
All I want is dick and wine.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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