low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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