time to smoke my breakfast
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
