HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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