I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
