i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
