apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
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