she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
