when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
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He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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