I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Randomize
