Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
