so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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