i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
