I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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