Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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