Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
splinters make it hard to masturbate
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
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