glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
