And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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