I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
