Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize