Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
What a dumb baby whore.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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