You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
