Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
