So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
