Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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