@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
