I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
