So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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