i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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