I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
