He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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