4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
