hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
