drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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