ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
pray to the hookup gods
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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