Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
