i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
