He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
