I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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