At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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