worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
ok first of all what the fuck
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
