What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize