Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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