I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
