In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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