Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
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