omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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