dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
