I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
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And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
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coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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