Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
