highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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