Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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