Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
