im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
